3 Reasons You Should Set Intentions As A Couple This Year- And How To Do It
The day after Christmas I start hearing the question, “so, what’s your New Year’s resolution?” Almost always I have given it zero thought, but soon I start to wonder. Should I make a New Year’s resolution? Do I need one? I guess I could eat healthier….maybe exercise more consistently….really would benefit from daily meditation….maybe I should set a goal to read all the books on my wish list by June….etc. etc. While all these goals are perfectly fine, there is another option that can yield even greater results but is often overlooked-. setting New Year’s intentions in your relationships.
This might include personal goals, like the ones listed above, where you enlist your partner to support you. Or, it might include hopes for your relationship, such as a desire to spend more quality time together, prioritize sexual intimacy, build more intellectual connection, or gain the skills to have healthier conflict and repair. Whatever the aim, I hope this article will inspire you to set intentions with your partner so you can enjoy a deeper, more connected, and more intentional relationship.
Why Set New Year’s Intentions As A Couple
There are several reasons why a couple might want to set New Year’s Intentions together. Here, I outline some of the big ones.
Two Is Greater Than One
When we set intentions together, we are including someone else in our goals. We gain an ally to assist in the achievement of said goal, a second pair of eyes when we need to adjust, a second voice to aid in motivation, and a champion who will cheer us on and be there if we need extra support. This goes for setting intentions for your personal wellbeing (such as a daily meditation habit) or relational wellbeing (such as carving out screen free time to connect each day).
It Pushes Your Relationship To New Heights
Setting intentions as a couple isn’t just because there is something to be worked on. Many thriving couples will use this method to deepen their connection by creating common dreams and uniting over a shared future.
It Helps Spark New Momentum In A Relationship
When we set intentions together, we are creating a road map where each party knows what their role is in achieving that outcome. With clarity, you will feel united on your joint journey. You renew your relationship goals and create shared dreams, which creates deeper connection.
How To Do It
Bring it up
Whether it’s through a Love Meeting or randomly one day while you’re out on a walk, broach the idea with your partner by explaining what it is and why you think it would benefit your relationship.
2. Highlight the benefits
Getting buy in is easier if the listener is hearing reasons why doing something will benefit them. Does your spouse wish you had more date nights? More frequent or satisfying sex? Crave connecting over a certain hobby or activity? State the outcome they are likely to be motivated to work towards as one of the possible things you could be intentional about in the New Year.
3. Reflect
Reflect on your relationship over the past year (or more). What are the wins? What are the challenges? Were there any lessons learned? Surprises? Use these questions as prompts to ask your partner. Share your answers with them as well.
4. Brainstorm
Relationship goals can relate to any area of your personal or relational life. Whatever it is, there are ways each of you can support the common goal. Need help brainstorming? Consider these prompts:
What brings you each happiness?
Where do you see yourselves in 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?
What is one area of your life that feels challenging right now? Are there ways you could ease some of that challenge?
5. Write Down Your Goals
This step is simple, but research suggests that people who write down their goals are more likely to achieve them. You can post it somewhere you both will see it everyday if you are comfortable to do so!
6. Check In With Each Other
There are lots of reasons people fall away from their intentions after January. One reason is it requires us to be mindful of the effort we are putting in, which is a lot more difficult than living on autopilot. By default, when we become stressed or busy, our brains start moving into familiar patterns- the ones that require the least energy. Although this is helpful for survival, it can cause us to override the very intentions we want without us really realizing it. One way to combat this is to schedule some predetermined check-in conversations. These can be one week, month, or year after- whatever makes the most sense to you. Write them in your calendar, set a reminder in your phones and evaluate how the intentions you set are holding up.
Ask your partner, “remember those intentions we set back at the New Year? How do you think it’s going?” If you conclude that you haven’t been mindful about this new intention, no shame! We can always reset. Determine if there is anything you need to make it more successful. Sometimes the simple act of having this check in is enough to bring the intention to the forefront of our minds and renew our motivation.
7. Lastly, Celebrate When You Reach Your Goals
This step cannot be underestimated. We live in a hustle culture where it can be considered bragging to announce your successes, so instead of pausing to celebrate when we reach our goal, we move onto the next big thing. Choosing to mark the moment with your spouse when you achieve what you set out to do will strengthen your bond, solidifying the fact that you are a great team. Go out for dinner, write each other a card, put on the sexy lingerie- whatever feels special!
Conclusion
There you have it, my step-by-step guide to setting intentions as a couple. Now you know Each year is an opportunity to live and love a little more. And that is a gift. How do you want to live this year?
Autumn is a psychotherapist and relationship specialist serving individuals and couples who desire fulfilling relationships with the people who matter most - whether this be with themselves, a family member, friend, or spouse. She has a special interest in working with those on the journey towards or transition into parenthood. Autumn is also a wife, mama to two young boys, daughter, sister, and friend. She cares deeply about the human connection and loves sharing this passion with her community.
