3 Ways To Connect With Your Partner While Your Kids Are Around
As a couple with kids, it can be challenging to find time to connect with your partner. I get it, you’re hardly able to get yourself dressed and your children’s bags packed in the morning, how can you possibly add in time to connect with your partner? It can feel easy to shrug it off, using the excuses of being too busy or tired to put effort into the relationship. If you’re like me and sometimes need to understand the why before you feel motivated to put the effort in, I’ve got you. Not only does research shows that a positive relationship with your spouse will benefit your individual wellbeing, but it also solidifies the impacts your relationship will have on your child’s healthy development. Here I will outline three easy ways to connect with your partner so you can start reaping all the rewards of a connected, thriving relationship- no babysitter required.
Plan a date night at home
You don't have to go out to have a date night with your partner. I have hundreds of ideas to make this happen, but I will share a few of them with you here. For example, you can plan a romantic evening at home after the kids go to bed. Set the mood by lighting candles, playing soft music, and creating a cozy atmosphere. Use this time to talk and reconnect with each other, without any distractions. Or maybe you’d like to connect to your partner through play, in which case challenging them to a board game marathon one night would be a great option. If you’re hoping to inject more novelty into your relationship, sign up for a virtual class such as dance lessons. Nothing says making memories like learning to salsa from the comfort of your own living room.
Let your children in on the plan. Tell them you and your partner have a special date planned. Get dressed up before the kids go to sleep or bring your partner flowers at the end of a work day. Showing your children that you make time for each other and prioritize your relationship sends a positive message about love and commitment. It also helps them feel more secure and stable in their family life.
2. Small acts often
There are many ways to show your partner you care, and doing this in small ways every day keeps the bond alive during busy chapters of our lives. Hold hands, share a hug or kiss, or offer each other a massage. When your partner does something nice for you, such as handing you your coffee in the morning, take a moment to make eye contact and say thank you. It sounds so small but these are the acts of appreciation and affection that let your partner know you are still there, even when it feels like you haven’t had a real conversation in days.
Not only will you feel more connected in your relationship, but research shows that children who witness their parent’s love and affection will experience increased emotional security and develop positive models of healthy relationships. It provides a child with a sense of stability and belonging knowing that they are part of a loving unit.
3. Have a conversation during family time
While spending time with the family, you can still find moments to connect with your partner. Take advantage of nap time, or when the kids are playing independently, to have a conversation with your partner. You can discuss your day, share your thoughts and feelings, or plan a future date night.
Children are often listening more than you think, so being able to communicate, work through differences in decision making, and share feelings with each other can offer children a blueprint for healthy communication. By observing their parents' communication patterns, children learn how to express their emotions, resolve conflicts, and maintain strong connections with others. These skills can have long-term benefits in various aspects of their lives, including personal relationships, academics, and professional settings.
Conclusion
Connecting with your partner while your kids are around doesn't have to be complicated. By planning a date night at home, sharing small acts of affection and appreciation, or having a conversation during family time, you can create opportunities to bond and strengthen your relationship. Remember, the effort you put into your relationship will have ripple effects to your children’s development as well.
If you’re looking for more practical ways to connect with your spouse, check out my free guide here.
References
Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. S. (2007). And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives. Crown Publishers.
Kwon, K. A., Smith, T. W., & Carlisle, R. D. (2019). Spillover between marital interactions and parent-child interactions: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(4), 395-406.
Mahoney, A., & Donnelly, W. (1999). Relationship quality, conflict, and emotional expression in parent-child relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16(4), 557-576.
Milevsky, A., Schlechter, M., Netter, S., & Keehn, D. (2019). Parental affection and child well-being: A comprehensive review. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 11(1), 4-25.
Panfile, T. M., & Laible, D. J. (2012). Attachment security and child's empathy: The mediating role of parent-child mutuality. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 33(6), 298-308.
Rauer, A. J., Karney, B. R., Garvan, C. W., & Hou, W. K. (2008). Relationship risks in context: A cumulative risk approach to understanding relationship satisfaction. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70(5), 1122-1135.
Rauer, A. J., Volling, B. L., McElwain, N. L., & Shigeto, A. (2020). Linking parent-child coregulation to child emotion regulation: The importance of positive dyadic interactions. Developmental Psychology, 56(6), 1079-1093.
Autumn is a psychotherapist and relationship specialist serving individuals and couples who desire fulfilling relationships with the people who matter most - whether this be with themselves, a family member, friend, or spouse. She has a special interest in working with those on the journey towards or transition into parenthood. Autumn is also a wife, mama to two young boys, daughter, sister, and friend. She cares deeply about the human connection and loves sharing this passion with her community.
