How To Do A Love Meeting: The Complete Guide To Making Difficult Conversations With Your Spouse Fun

Dec 2

Do you ever find yourself putting off having challenging conversations with your spouse for fear of conflict, only to find yourself having the conversation out of the blue right before bed or while the kids are screaming during witching hour? I used to too, until I learned about Love Meetings.

Love meetings are essentially like a team meeting you would have at your workplace, but for your relationship. They are meant to allow for emotional and mental preparation to sometimes stressful topics, reduce external stimuli/stressors during conversation, and create intentional conversation with action plans. There are lots of variations you can do to make a Love Meeting your own, but I’ve outlined the basics here so you can approach your next important conversation with confidence that you will leave it feeling accomplished and connected.

*I’ve put together a comprehensive FREE guide that you can download and print out if you want to do a deeper dive on the topic and have all these tips in one place to keep you on track during your Love Meeting.

HOW TO DO A LOVE MEETING

1.SET ASIDE UNINTERRUPTED TIME

No kids around, no phones, no tv on.
Set a predetermined amount of time. 30 minutes or 2 hours, it doesn’t matter. What matters is there is some expected containment to the conversation so you both know what to expect.

2. CREATE AN AGENDA

With your predetermined amount of time, decide what topics you can realistically discuss.
Write down your desired topics and share these with each other prior to the meeting. Leave space for any amendments.
Some ideas to get you started include:
- Finances, intimacy, sex, vacation planning, division of labour, home renovations, upcoming decisions (wedding, moving, job transitions, family planning), lifestyle changes you’d like to implement, how to become more connected as a couple, or the children’s needs/activities, etc.

3. CONDUCT THE MEETING IN AN ENVIRONMENT THAT IS CONDUCIVE TO CONNECTION

In the car, on a walk, in bed, at the kitchen table, etc.
Choose a time and day of the week that you know you do better having focused conversations.
Maybe you operate best in the early morning, or you know you will be able to receive feedback best after a yoga class. Personally, I prefer daylight and weekends when there is less time stress.

4. TAKE NOTES

Take notes and create “action items” to be followed up at your next love meeting
Appoint someone the note taker and review action items at the end of the meeting. Bring forward any outstanding issues to your next meeting.

5. COME FROM LOVE:

It might sound simple, but entering the conversation with a shared intention of connection rather than conflict can be powerful. Remember you’re on the same team. Stating this out loud can be more helpful than you realize.
Make it playful. Wear glasses, bring a legal pad, have a talking stick. Anything to take some of the seriousness out of these topics can help us remain regulated.
If you do find yourselves getting heated, remember you can opt to take a break and return to the meeting at a later time.

6. COMMUNICATE LIKE A TEAM

Avoid blaming language- stick to “I notice” or “We aren’t” etc. when describing any issues
Avoid “always” and “never” in your descriptions
Validate your partner’s point of view (remember, validating doesn’t mean agreeing!)

So there you have it! My complete guide to Love Meetings. I hope you feel encouraged to tackle your next big relationship conversation with your partner with a little bit of fun and confidence! You can download my FREE complete guide to Love Meetings to support you before, during, and after your conversations.

If you’re looking for more ways to better your connection, check out my free resources here.

Autumn is a psychotherapist and relationship specialist serving individuals and couples who desire fulfilling relationships with the people who matter most - whether this be with themselves, a family member, friend, or spouse. She has a special interest in working with those on the journey towards or transition into parenthood. Autumn is also a wife, mama to two young boys, daughter, sister, and friend. She cares deeply about the human connection and loves sharing this passion with her community.